Random Firings by Hank Farber

I have always been intrigued by TSD (Time-Speed-Distance) rallys. These are rallys where time and accuracy are central. Participants are given a set of detailed route instructions and average speeds to carry in each section of the rally. Points are assessed for deviations (positive or negative) from the allotted time, and the team (driver and navigator) with the fewest points wins. These rallys can be a mild challenge or an adrenaline pumping experience, depending on the deviousness of the rallymaster. While not well-represented in our club, serious TSD rallyists use specialized timing equipment linked to the car that gives instantaneous readouts of critical time and speed information. But such equipment is not necessary, and most rallys have separate classes for cars with and without such equipment.

In contrast to TSD rallys, our club rallys are generally gimmick rallys, where time is not an issue and the teams have to answer a set of clever (and not so clever) questions along the route. I have always found these to be fun, but I (perhaps irrationally) look forward to the challenge of a TSD rally. I won't have to wait much longer. Rallymasters Trip Lee and Joe Murray are currently planning our annual Whack-Your-Turkey Rally for Sunday November 5th, and this rally, while largely in gimmick format, will include a "simple" TSD section. It should be fun, and I am hoping for a strong turnout. Watch the newsletter and website for details.

Now into the Way-Back Machine. I have done exactly one TSD rally in my life. This was a serious TSD rally (no gimmicks here), and I was an inexperienced youth. The year was 1968, I was seventeen years old and navigating for my cousin of the same age. The day was beautiful, and my uncle, in a fit of poor judgment, loaned my cousin his almost-new Austin Healy 3000. An omen of things to come appeared on the way to the starting point (a bowling alley on Route 22). We were on Route 287 in Metuchen when my cousin decided to "see what the Healy could do". There we are at about 120 MPH with the Laycock de Normanville electric over-drive engaged when we came over a rise to see about 6 state police cars, lights flashing, in the road near an overturned car. My cousin got on the brakes and we slowed to about sixty. It felt like we were barely moving, and we couldn't understand why the cops were waving frantically at us. We survived that fit of bad judgment without penalty, but we would not be so lucky later.

The rally started without incident and we had a blast for a couple of hours working to follow the route instructions and to stay somewhere in the vicinity of the allotted time. Eventually (or the the nth time) we got somewhat lost (far blondzhen in Yiddish). Of course, getting lost means you lose time which must be made up. Now, the rally is designed so that, if you don't get lost, there is no need to speed. In fact, speeding is counterproductive because it will get you in to the checkpoint early and you will be assessed points (remember, points are a bad thing) as a result. And some rallys have surprise checkpoints so that you can be penalized at any time. So, if you get lost, all bets are off, and some folks have been known to take chances with the local constabulary.

As navigator, it was my duty to inform my cousin that we were way behind. On the basis of this information, he chose to attempt to make up time. This was working just fine until we came around a blind turn in Neshanic Station at what we thought was a relatively slow speed and crossed a bridge. The problem was that the other side of the bridge had a sudden drop. When the big Healy (with its huge cast iron motor) went over the drop, the front wheels splayed out as the the front suspension just broke. Lots of negative camber. That was the end of our rallying that day and the end of my cousin's access to the big Healy. We did not enjoy calling my uncle and telling him what we had done to his baby.

I am assured by our rallymasters that they are not devious and that the Whack Your Turkey rally, TSD section and all, will be great fun. I, for one, am really looking forward to it. I hope to see you there!