Philes' Forum by Vic Lucariello

Hello, Bimmerphiles! This month I have a potpourri of items, some of which are a bit off the usual bent of Philes' Forum. In other words, it's holiday time and I am taking the lazy way out. We used to call this subterfuge a 'Special Holiday Issue' and try to fool everyone.

Let me remind you that I still wish to receive copies of your inspection reports from the new, enhanced NJ DMV inspection. You can either mail a photocopy of your report or simply e-mail the test data. If you choose the latter, please include both the test results for your Bimmer and the pass/fail criteria for each pollutant. [Bimmerphile Bob Gibbons actually scanned his test report and attached it to an e-mail!] Also, please indicate what, if any modifications have been made to your motor [aftermarket chip or software download, etc.]. The majority of the folks who have sent in test results so far have passed with no problems. One trend which may be emerging is that DMV may not be dyno testing some 5 and 7 Series Bimmers with automatic transmissions. These cars may be receiving the 2500 RPM idle emissions test instead. As I have previously reported, the idle tests do not check for oxides of nitrogen [NOx], the most difficult pollutant to control under normal running conditions. Some folks have sent in results from non-Bimmers, and I welcome these results as well. Ilya Goldberg sent in the test results from a Diesel Jetta.

Driver school hot dog Renata Melnitschenko sent in an interesting anecdote. [Renata is doing her own Bimmer repair and maintenance, and is justifiably quite proud of this.] Renata went to her local BMW dealer to buy a couple oil filters, one for her Bimmer and one for her Mom's. [Ren says Sis Roxana can buy her OWN! But I digress.] The parts counterperson, with some condescension, said to Renata, "You mean you are buying oil filters here to take to [Jiffy Lube] and have your oil changed?" Renata demurely informed him [Yeah, it was a 'him'.] that she was buying the filters to install herself, thank you very much. Well, Renata reports that the dude was completely flabbergasted by this! Heck, I can't wait 'til Ren starts buying clutch parts! I can just picture some counterperson wearing a pressure plate around his neck!

Our own Dr. of Autocrossing, Elihu Savad, had an interesting problem with his E30 M3's rear-window defogger. {Elihu, in addition to mentoring our autocross program for many years, served two terms as VP-Activities during the Chapter's Summit Hotel era. [Kinda analogous to a Hotel California era, methinks. Hey El, do you remember the shouting match at the Board meeting held at your office?] Moreover, Elihu's popular Fool Injection column actually predates Philes' Forum and inspired me to begin contributing to our newsletter.] Perhaps a brief description of how the defoggers work is in order before we get to Elihu's story.

If you look closely at the rear glass of your Bimmer or almost any car on the road today, you will see a series of brownish, usually horizontal, lines maybe 1 mm thick. The lines, which are usually applied to the inside of the glass, are resistive heating elements. When you switch on your rear window defogger, battery voltage [Technoids: OK, OK, it's really alternator voltage if the car is running.] is applied across the lines causing a small current to flow through each one. The current flow heats the lines, which in turn heat the glass. When I say voltage is applied 'across' the lines, I mean that one end of each line is connected to battery + while the other end is connected to battery -. Hey, if you don't like tech stuff, read Hank's column next door. [Note to Big Al: The battery is that thing in the trunk that you hide your Victoria's Secret catalog under.]

Since the heating elements are exposed, it is not uncommon for one or more of the lines to become damaged over the years. When a break occurs in a line, its current is interrupted and that particular line no longer produces any heat. If more than a couple of the lines have breaks, the effectiveness of the rear defogger is compromised. Loctite sells a repair kit which includes a conductive liquid that can be applied to the breaks in the defogger lines. I have seen the kits, which are effective if one follows the instructions, in most automotive parts stores.

Elihu's problem was a bit different. In trouble shooting his completely inoperative defogger, Elihu found that one of the tabs used to connect the battery + and - wires to the defogger lines had separated from the glass, thereby interrupting the current to ALL the lines. I suggested to Elihu that he attempt to reattach the tab by using some of the defogger line repair liquid. Elihu discovered that Loctite also makes a kit to address the separated tab problem. I am not sure if Loctite's 'Rear Window Defogger Tab Adhesive' is different from their 'Rear Window Defogger Repair Liquid', but Elihu did have success in reattaching the tab using the former.

Vic Jr. had a problem I think all of you will find interesting. When Jr. got his latest 320i back in May, he went to a DMV office to transfer the title to his name and transfer his old registration to his new [if you consider 224,000 miles to be new] ride. Since his registration was due to expire that month., he figured he would renew the registration while he was there. He left DMV with his new title, transferred and renewed [he thought] registration, and a pair of those stickers we now have to apply to our license plates. Although he didn't know it at the time, Vic's problems began right there at DMV when he didn't carefully check his new documents and apply those little stickers to his tags. It seems that, although Vic was issued 'May 01' stickers for his license plates, the folks at DMV didn't renew his registration; they simply transferred it.

Fast forward to October. Vic and a buddy were heading South on the NJ Turnpike when they got to have a 'roadside chat' with a Trooper. The Trooper, whom Vic describes as very polite and professional, ran Vic's registration and guess what? It came up as 'Expired'. Well, to make a short story long, Vic's 320 was impounded. This ended up costing him $180 plus a vacation day to retrieve the car from the State Police impound facility in Burlington County. In addition, he still must resolve the citation he received for driving with an expired registration.

I was somewhat incensed that the 320 was impounded, so I did a little unofficial investigating with both the local and State Police. It seemed to me that impounding a vehicle for an expired registration is a bit extreme, and I was all set to go ballistic-indignant and start writing letters. Guess what! Both law enforcement sources maintain that it is standard procedure to impound a vehicle with an expired registration if the vehicle cannot safely remain where it is while the driver arranges to have it removed. In Vic's case, I'm sure it didn't help that his registration expired in May and he was stopped 5 months later.

I guess the lesson for us all is that we should carefully check all DMV documents as soon as we receive them. Ensure ALL the data are accurate, and while you are at it, check your NJ insurance-coverage verification card.

Oh, one last thing. Jr. reports that when he picked up his 320, it had not been damaged or tampered with. He also reports that he saw other cars at the impound yard MOVED WITH A FORKLIFT!! Presumably, this treatment is reserved for wrecks or otherwise undriveable vehicles, and not some Bimmerphile's 740il!

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

Anyone wishing to contribute to Philes' Forum should contact me via the info on the masthead. I'm interested in tech tips, repair /maintenance questions and/or tips, dealer horror stories, product evaluations, etc. Please call before 8 PM, and if you leave a message, PLEASE INCLUDE A PHONE NUMBER WHERE I CAN REACH YOU ON WEEKDAYS. Also, please be patient, I try to return every phone call, but it sometimes takes a while. If you don't hear back from me within a few days, please call again. The best way to contact me is via e-mail.

Copyright 2000 - V.M. Lucariello, PE