Philes' Forum by Vic Lucariello

Hello, Bimmerphiles! Incredibly, as we embark upon the year 2000, Philes’ Forum is entering its 14 th year of publication!

I apologize for being absent from the December Bulletin, but we had an early deadline in support of the 1 December membership meeting and I missed it. This month I intended to have Part I of the saga of Big Al’s limp alternator [his words, not mine]. This has been postponed to next month.

I just got back from taking my 1980 320is through the ‘new’ NJ inspection and I am sure you will be interested in how I made out. I had been following the new emissions test via the SAE , so I was really looking forward to seeing the new test actually performed.

For those of you who have been under a rock for the past couple of years, NJ has adopted a new emissions test where tailpipe emissions are measured via a dynamometer simulation of the vehicle being driven at a constant 15 mph. While the previous test could fail you for excess Carbon Monoxide [CO] , or unburned Hydrocarbons [HC] sampled at idle, the new test adds Oxides of Nitrogen [NOx], a particularly noxious compound culpable in the formation of ground-level Ozone. The reason for the dyno is that significant NOx emissions from gasoline engines are only produced under load. This particular type of dyno is called a chassis dyno because it contacts and is driven by the vehicle’s drive wheels via rollers in the floor.

Anyhow, I got to the Inspection Station bright and early, and pulled right into the inspection lane. I was greeted by three inspectors, one obviously experienced and two who were getting OJT.

Finally the moment arrived and my 320i [100,000 miles, stock 1.8 motor, catalytic converter] was driven onto the dyno by the first OJT inspector. The first glitch occurred when the second OJT inspector attempted to place a RPM sensor on the hood. This device is evidently supposed to sense ignition pulses through the hood. Well, maybe my ignition is a limp as Big Al’s alternator, but it took several minutes of sliding the probe around on my hood [!!] for a RPM reading to appear on the emissions computer screen. Now the big moment had arrived, and I expected to see the dyno rollers turning as the 320 was accelerated to and held at 15 mph. Well, just about as soon as the RPM reading appeared, the computer started flashing ‘Emissions Test Over’ and the 320 was driven to the end of the line to be reunited with yours truly. I had been standing three feet from my car while it was on the dyno, and those dyno rollers never moved!

AFTER I had received my ‘Pass’ sticker [good for two years, BTW], I asked the inspectors why I had not received the dyno test. [I had understood that any ’80 or newer, 2wd, gasoline-fueled car would be dyno tested. Cars older than ’80 have rather primitive NOx controls.] They told me that BMWs ARE NOT DYNO TESTED! When I incredulously asked why, I was told that some makes [EG: BMW, Mercedes, Subaru] are not given the dyno test, for various reasons. Most Subarus are of course all-wheel drive and couldn’t be tested [dyno only capable of testing one driven axle]. The reasons given for the exclusion of Bimmers and Mercs were somewhat vague, but I did ask, several times, ‘You mean ALL BMWs are excluded from the dyno test?’. The answer was categorically ‘YES’.

The inspectors told me that cars exempt from the dyno test are given a two-speed unloaded [IE: no dyno; just idle + 2500 RPM ] test not unlike the single-speed idle test NJ has been using since maybe 1971. Problem was, my car did not receive a two-speed test. No way. When I questioned this, I was told that the 2500 RPM test was simulated by the computer [!]. At this point I decided to quit while ahead and split. Sure enough, the test report I was given indicates that a single test was performed at 982 RPM, the value I observed when the hood sensor got a reading.

I hope the foregoing allays some of your fears about the new inspection system. I also hope that those of you who undergo the inspection will tell me what you experienced so we can share it with the rest of our members. Thanks in advance.

A bit of advice. I’m not looking forward to bringing the M3, black F-150, or Joanne’s 325 to inspection because of the RPM sensor-sliding-around-on-the-hood deal. When I do go, I will ensure that the hood is even more clean and waxed than usual. Moreover, I intend to bring a piece of cheese cloth and politely ask the inspectors to put it between the sensor and the hood. The 325 is due for inspection in February, so if you don’t see me in the March Bulletin…………..

Those of you who have attended our Lime Rock Driver Schools have heard my driver meeting spiel in which I thank our tech workers for their efforts. Well, I want to take a moment and formally thank them.

We expect a lot from the tech workers at the Lime Rock schools because of the event eve-tech activities at the Interlaken Inn. [We don’t yet have event-eve tech/registration at Summit Point.] Our techs report for duty at 6:00 PM and are usually still out at the garage at 10 PM. Then, they are required to be at the track before it opens the next day so we can get in and be ready to start tech when the rest of you arrive. All this effort so we can have an 8 AM driver meeting and have the first run group on the track by 9.

Here are the folks who comprise the 1999 Lime Rock Tech Team:

Dave Allaway Bill Wiedmuller Warren Brown BobWiedmuller Bob Chamberlain Joanne Lucariello John Csuri Vic Lucariello, Jr. Alicia DeLalio Ron Lusen Al Drugos Dave McIntyre Peggy Finch Lee Miller Cathy LaMarca Gibson Ferd Simoes Deborah Kolar Mario Sousa Pete Laetsch Sylvia Laetsch

T H A N K Y O U ! !

Working with these folks is quite a pleasure. What they don’t know is that for the 1999 season I had an audio tape recorder hidden in the Interlaken garage. The recordings are absolutely shocking! I intend to transcribe them and publish the juicier stuff in an upcoming column, SO WATCH THIS SPACE! Unfortunately, the recordings were made with a microcassette recorder so they are not of very high quality. In some cases only parts of the conversations are intelligible, and the listener has to infer who the speaker is most of the time. Complicating the analysis process is the fact that not all the voices are of the tech workers. Another anomaly is that one tape seems to have a 22 minute gap…………………

Those of you who attended the 29 October tech session at the Bossert’s Camptown Tool and Die know that we had a lot of fun doing a brake fluid flush/change on Alexei Tsekoun’s 318 ti. I wanted to thank Alexei for being such a good sport re all the abuse we heaped on him. [ No Alex, we really don’t think your Bimmer is the cheap model! ] I also want to thank Alicia DeLalio for participating in the procedure. Although a brake fluid change is a one-person procedure when a pressure or vacuum bleeder is used, we felt it would make for a better demo and facilitate answering questions if two folks were involved. Moreover, we actually let Alexei get his hands dirty as well after he put on safety glasses [see below].

I thought I might report some of the questions asked during the fluid change for the benefit of those of you who missed it .

Q: How much brake fluid is required ? We used a full liter, but two 12 oz. bottles will suffice on a car with ABS.

Q: How do you remove the old fluid from the master cylinder reservoir? We used a Mity-Vac hand vacuum pump with its hose extended via a piece of shrink tubing. We were able to extract virtually all the old fluid from the reservoir.

Q: How did Alicia develop her expertise with an impact gun? From practicing with her Ruger .357 Magnum [hand gun]!

Q: Which is better, a pressure- or vacuum-type brake bleeder? I personally prefer a pressure bleeder like we used for the demo. Folks who have vacuum bleeders say they like them. However, good vacuum bleeders require an air compressor while some pressure bleeders can use a tire as an air source.

Q: Any special precautions for ABS [Antilock Braking System]? Only that you want to be extra careful not to introduce any air into the system. With a pressure bleeder, all you have to do is watch the brake fluid level in the bleeder’s reservoir and ensure you don’t use it all up.

Q: How do you prevent making a mess and spilling brake fluid when you disconnect the pressure bleeder from the reservoir? [This one via e-mail subsequent to the demo.] Easy, when you are done doing the brakes, finish by doing the clutch. As all the fluid in the bleeder reservoir is used, you will observe air bubbles in the tubing connecting the bleeder and master cylinder reservoirs. When the level in the master cylinder reservoir gets down to the ‘Max’ mark, duck under the car and shut off the bleeder screw on the clutch slave cylinder. Done.

Q: Does it hurt to use an impact wrench to remove the lug bolts? No, provided you slightly loosen all the bolts on a given wheel prior to removing any one entirely.

Q: Does it hurt to use an impact wrench to tighten the lug bolts? YES, use a torque wrench. [75 lb-ft setting] In fact, I insist on torquing the wheel bolts while the car is still up. [Alexei is still complaining about this!] Some say that I am being overly conservative, but I use this procedure on all vehicles, including my trailer. I also recommend that you recheck the wheel bolt torque after the car has been driven and allowed to cool to ambient temperature.

Q: Should one apply a bit of anti-seize compound to the wheel-hub ‘hubcentric’ mating surface? Absolutely. Put a daub on the bolt threads and conical seating surface as well.

Q: Can one use ‘glitter’ eyeliner in lieu of anti-seize compound? [This via e-mail from a bimmerphile named Roxana, who missed the tech session because she was sick.] Only the gold-tone stuff sold at better stores and at Rydell High School.

Q: Do you really need to wear eye protection for this job? Absolutely! Ask me how I know this! Thanks to Al and Gary Bossert for again allowing us to overrun their shop. These Camptown tech sessions have proven to be one of our most popular monthly meetings.

Anyone wishing to contribute to Philes' Forum should contact me via the info on the masthead. I'm interested in tech tips, repair /maintenance questions and/or tips, dealer horror stories, product evaluations, etc. Please call before 8 PM, and if you leave a message, PLEASE INCLUDE A PHONE NUMBER WHERE I CAN REACH YOU DURING THE DAY ON WEEKDAYS. Also, please be patient, I try to return every phone call, but it sometimes takes a while. If you don’t hear back from me within a few days, please call again. The best way to contact me is via e-mail.

Copyright 2000 - V.M. Lucariello, PE